


The shadow of a nice day

by Kamenyan



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fights, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Miscommunication, They're both insecure idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamenyan/pseuds/Kamenyan
Summary: Alexander Hamilton - journalist for the NY Times- was having a very nice day, thank you very much.The sky was blue, he was relaxed, evrything was fine.That was until Thomas Jefferson stumbled back suddenly into his life. A past-lover he tought he had left behind...
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	The shadow of a nice day

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! 
> 
> So in those quarantined times, here's some Jamilton to make the time pass quicker !  
> I'm not a 100% satisfied with it. It was supposed to be angsty and bitter but I guess it's rather fluffy...  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it !
> 
> English is not my native language so I apologize for any mistakes or weird syntax !

It was a nice spring day. Alexander had for once managed to go to sleep at a decent hour (1am yes - but it was still decent for him) and he had woken up naturally at 7 am. The weather was nice so he decided to walk through the park instead of taking the subway. He even took the time to stop at his favorite coffee shop to grab cup of coffee to-go. It was going to be a nice day.

Every sign pointed to it. He was ahead on his work. Nothing to stress about. It was Friday so he would probably go to the pub around the corner with his colleagues and best friends later tonight.

Yeah, it was going to be a great day. He smiled when he arrived at the door of the _New York Times_ building. He walked in at the same time as Peggy from the culture department. She beamed at him.

« _Hey Peg’s ! You look amazing today_ » He complimented her.

Peggy twirled on herself to show off her new yellow dress, laughing.

« _Why thank you, Alex. You seem to be in a good mood._ »

He winked at her in answer and they got in the elevator together. Alexander checked his watch. He was in advance for the usual staff meeting. Then he could go back to the politics department and finish his articles. He got out at the third floor and waved at Peggy as she walked towards the culture department.

« _See you later_ » she called after him.

He arrived in front of the conference room and was met by an anxious-looking John. Not everyone was having a good day apparently. But he was not going to let John waste his good mood.

« _Hey John, what’s up ?_ » He smiled, casually taking a sip of his coffee and walking towards the door.

« _Alex !_ » he greeted him, looking even more stressed. « _Don’t go in there. You can’t._ »

The young man grabbed his arm but Alexander already had his hand on the doorknob.

« _What’s wrong ?_ » He asked, frowning.

The door opened under the pressure of his hand. John gulped with apprehension. That’s when he understood. He froze in the doorway, unable to move. His breath caught in his throat and he suddenly felt like he was choking. He couldn’t hear John imploring him to turn around. His good mood was killed in seconds by a huge rush of anxiety. His fist clenched around the doorknob. There, sitting next to George Washington was Thomas _fucking_ Jefferson.

The man hadn’t even seen him. He was laughing at something Angelica was telling him. He looked well. He looked even more handsome than the last time Alexander saw him. He had a broad grin on his face. The fury that rushed trough Hamilton’s veins pushed the anxiety away. He brutally let go of the doorknob. And finally the asshole turned to him. Their eyes met and he froze.

Alexander did not stay to see which expression appeared on his face. He stormed out of the room, spilling coffee on his shirt. He throw the cup in the nearest thrash and held back a scream of pure rage. His breathing was chaotic. He vaguely felt John’s hand on his neck pushing him in the corridors of the building. He let himself be led by his friends, trusting him more than himself in that moment.

John finally opened a door and pushed him into what he recognized as Lafayette’s office. Alex made a beeline to the window and opened it without looking around. He needed air.He grabbed the edge of the balcony with two hands and tried to focus on his breathing. He heard the muffled voices of his friends behind him.

« _Mon Dieu. Did he see him ?_ » Lafayette asked with a thick French accent.

« _Yeah…_ » John said, while he rubbed circle on Alexander back to help him calm down.

Reality crashed into him and past the shock and the anger, the events started to pieces themselves together. He took one last deep breath and turned to his friends.

« _When did he come back ?_ » Alexander asked in a deep threatening voice.

« _Last night apparently…_ » John explained sheepishly. « _We learned about it this morning… We wanted to warn you but… »_

_« Shit. »_ Hamilton pinched his nose. He could already feel the headache coming. Great day, my ass. « _How long is he staying ? »_

Maybe if he managed to avoid him for the duration of his stay in the US, things would be alright. He could do that. Maybe. His question was met by an awkward silence. He look expectantly at his friends who both looked at the ground.

« _He’s here to stay, Alex_. » Lafayette confessed.

« _What ?!_ » Hamilton exploded. « _The motherfucker doesn’t come back for two years. And suddenly he shows up to stay for good ?! Fuck !_ »

John rushed forward to grab his arms. Alexander didn’t pushed him way. He needed the contact right now and John knew it.

« _Hey, it’s gonna be okay, alright ?_ » He whispered. « _You don’t have to go the meeting this morning. We’ll send Burr. And we’ll figure something out for tomorrow_. _Alright ? »_

_« Okay. »_ Hamilton accepted slowly. He was feeling exhausted now. He had no strength to deal with Jefferson. He didn’t want to see his happy face. He didn’t want to feel his guts twist when he smiled. He didn’t want to face the memories or the pain from the past. He had locked this part of this life in a drawer deep in this mind and he was not going it to open it again.

« _Good._ » John said, releasing him. « _I’ll go fetch Burr, you stay here with Laf for a bit._ »

Hamilton nodded and watched him leave the room after exchanging a worried look with Lafayette.

« _Come here, mon ami_ » Lafayette dragged him to his huge office chair and Hamilton crashed in it with a sigh.

Lafayette had the nicest office after Washington. Perks of being the head of the international department. Alexander only had a small desk in the open space of the politics department, stuckto Burr’s desk. Thankfully, John’s desk was the first one on his left. Jefferson’s desk at once be a few doors away from Lafayette’s. Hamilton had walked there so often at the time…

He was drawn out of his mind when Lafayette put a glass of water in front of him. Hamilton thanked him and took a small sip of it.

« _Feeling better ?_ » Lafayette asked.

« _Yeah. I didn’t expect to see him. I kind of panicked »_ He said bitterly.

Lafayette sighed sadly and patted Alexander’s knee.

« _Alex, I know you’re mad, but maybe if you talked…_ »

« _No_. » Alexander immediately cut in.

Lafayette shook his head, deciding not to push further. They already discussed this a thousand time and Hamilton wouldn’t change his mind. He didn’t want anything to do with him. Ever again. It was easy when the asshole was off to France. The only thing he saw of him was his signature at the bottom of some article of the newspaper and that was enough to put him in a bad mood. And now he was back. This could only mean trouble.

***

After a few hours and six cup of coffee, Hamilton finally felt like himself again. He still felt a burning rage and some waves of anxiety in the pit of his stomach but if he drowned himself in his article on the last shitty financial plan of the government, he could almost forget it.

He had not raised his head from the screen in two hours and was tapping furiously on this keyboard. He was vaguely aware of the worried glances Burr was throwing him but he could not care less. John had not reappeared since he left him in Lafayette’s office but it was nothing unusual. As the « state department » reporter, he often went to meet with some officials to get informations.

He was interrupted in his work one hour later by a paper bag dropping on his keyboard. He looked up to find an annoyed-looking Angelica in front of his desk.

« _I figured you would forget to eat, in your state._ » She simply said.

« _I’m fine._ » He lied, focusing again on his work. « _But thanks._ »

Angelica rolled her eyes and sat on the desk, arms crossed.

« _According to your face when you saw Thomas this morning, you’re not_. »

Hamilton repressed a shiver of disgust when he heard the name of the asshole. Angelica looked even more annoyed. She had always been in an awkward position with the two of them. She had been friend with Hamilton since he started working for the _NY times_ but she was also really close with Jefferson. They worked together in the international department after all. It was always hard for her to see them fighting. But there was nothing he could do about it. It was all different now.

« _It’s been two years, Alex…_ » she sighed.

Alexander finally looked up from his screen and glanced at his friend. She didn’t look angry. And god knew she could be angry. He had provoked his wrath once and he never wanted to face that again. No, she looked sad and annoyed.

« _I know… But it has been two years without any contact… Not even a text, a call or anything. Don’t ask me to be okay with his return so soon, ok ?_ » the young journalist explained softly.

Angelica looked pained but at least she seemed to understand. She patted his arm murmuring a soft « okay ». Then she left the way he came. Alexander watched her go, thoughtful. Could he ever be okay with that ? He had spend so much time trying to erase Jefferson from his life. Now he felt like he was back in square one.

He could have expected the anger. He had never really forgiven Jefferson. And the man had seemed so detached and carefree. Happy, even. No wonder he was angry. He had not expected the hurt that had come with it though. He though that feelings had been washed away long ago. But no. It still hurt. After all this time.

Burr was still watching him with worry. Alexander rolled his eyes and got back to work.

***

The acrid smell of the bar wrapped him as soon as he crossed the threshold. The Revolutionary Bar was a small pub just a few blocks away from the office. It was comfy and played old rock music.

Many people from the newspaper came there to unwind at the end of the week. Even their chief editor Washington came along sometimes. The owner, Benjamin Franklin, knew them all by names and let them have free drinks when he knew the week had been rough. Alexander greeted him with a wave.

He spotted Charles Lee and John Adams - the heads of the political and cultural department - drinking Guinness at the bar. Angelica and Peggy were kicking the interns’ ass at pool. Lafayette waved at him from their corner. Hercules and John were already sitting at the table, beers in front of them. It was their table. It had been their table for years now. It was where Alexander had met them, before he was even working at the _New-York Times._ He smiled at them. Time to get shitfaced. He wanted to forget everything about this day.

« _Hey guys !_ » He said as he took his seat.

« _You look like you’ve been through hell._ » Hercules commented with a worried look. John and Laf had probably filled him in on what happened.

« _I just need a drink. Several drinks actually._ » Hamilton promised.

Laf laughed and ask the waiter to bring him a pint of beer. The taste of the ale did wonder to Alexander’s mood. Nothing like some friends to share a pint with. They talked about their days. Hercules told them about the last crazy orders he got. He was a tailor in Brooklyn. He always had rich and posh clients.

After a few drinks, Alex felt pleasantly buzzed and his friends seemed in the same state. Lafayette and Hercules were making out on the couch. John was singing off-key along the music in the bar. Alex got up to get another drink. The bar was crowded at this hour. He tried to make his way to the bar but he collided rather brutally with someone. He literally had his face against the stranger’s torso. A pretty strong torso, really. Alex took a few seconds to collect his thoughts. _Shit._ He knew that torso. He had spend hours stroking it with his hands and mouth. He had fallen asleep against it countless times. _Shit._ He looked up to find a puzzled Jefferson looking at him.

« _Alex…_ » the man whispered, eyes wide open.

Alexander pushed away as soon as he could but stayed frozen in place. There was something he couldn’t read in Jefferson’s eyes. A foreign emotion. He looked like he wanted to say something but was holding back. Alexander watched the emotions pass on his beautiful face, fascinated. Time seemed to stop for a few seconds. Neither of them could move.

« _Hey._ » Jefferson ended up uttering, awkwardly.

The charm was broken and the anger flare up again in Alexander’s stomach.

« _Fuck off._ » He muttered through clenched teeth and all but ran to the bar, leaving Jefferson frozen in place.

He ordered a shot of tequila that he swallowed in seconds. The drawer in his head was opening. He thought he had put that shit behind him. Who was he kidding ? He glanced around trying to see where Jefferson was. He found him at the other end of the room talking with Burr and Madison, looking distraught. How dared he ? He was the one who broke his heart, he didn’t get the right to look like that.

Alex ordered two more shots and went back to his table. Lafayette was now sitting on Hercules lap and their lips seemed sealed together. He usually would have made a comment on their lack of boundary but right now he had not the heart for it. Even in his drunken state, John quickly noticed that something was wrong.

« _You okay ?_ » He drunkly spluttered.

« _No. Jefferson is here._ » Alexander answered while handing his friend a shot.

« _Shit._ » John took the shot. « _Do you want to leave ?_ »

« _No. I want to drink._ » He took the other shot and gulped it in one go. « _And dance._ »

John winked at him and hold out his arm for Alexander to take. The young man accepted it gladly and let himself be dragged to the dance floor. He wanted to forget that Jefferson was here but he also wanted to show him that he was doing great, that he was unaffected by his presence.

They mingled in the crowd and let themselves be led by the music. John had an arm around his shoulder and Alexander held his waist. He wanted to lose himself in his arms and John knew it.

He had been there since the beginning. When Alex and Jefferson had broke up, he hadn’t asked any question, he’d just hugged Alex tight and watched shitty movie with him. That’s the kind of support the journalist needed right now. He just needed to be distracted. He closed his eyes and let himself be drown by the music.

***

Alex stumbled in his appartement. He texted John to let him know he made it home safely but the text was probably not intelligible. He walked to his room and stripped to his boxers, throwing the clothes around carelessly. He crashed into bed with a sigh.

He was drunk and emotionally exhausted but his brain would not shut down. He kept replaying his last interaction with Jefferson. What had been that look in his eyes ? He had never seen that look on him. He had seen him happy. Angry, yes. And arrogant too. All the fucking time. But never like that. Hamilton closed his eyes. Memories were playing in his mind and he could not control it.

_« Everyone, I’d like to introduce you a new member of the international department: Thomas Jefferson. »_

_Lafayette gestured at the very handsome man sitting next to him and Hamilton immediately felt fascinated .He was all dark smooth skin, fluffy hair and endless legs. Even that ridiculous purple suit looked sinful on him. The man had smiled to him and Alexander had felt all fuzzy inside. Then he had opened his mouth. And if his southern accent was a bit sexy, the words he uttered made Hamilton’s blood boil. How could someone so handsome has such shitty views ?_

_Seconds later, Hamilton was standing up and starting an argument with the new guy under the bored eyes of Washington. What Alexander did not expect was for the guy to answer. He was easily matching Alexander’s energy and eloquence. Jefferson was pissing him off but fuck he didn’t want this debate to ever end._

***

Alexander woke up with a headache and the feeling that something had died in his mouth. He was going to go back to sleep - not ready to face the world - when he heard a loud meow. He opened an eye and found his cat - Oscar - staring at him expectantly.

« _What ?_ » he groaned closing his eyes.

The cat meowed louder. Alexander grunted some more but got out of bed to feed the animal. Getting up made him feel even worse. He dragged himself to the kitchen along with his purring cat. He put some food in his bowl and grabbed his phone.

He had a few worried text from his friends. He reassured them and made his way to the living room with a cup of coffee. It was his day off. The first in a while. He was glad he didn’t have to go in with his hangover.

However he got bored very quickly. Usually he would work on his personal project but he knew he would not be able to focus on anything. All he could think about was Jefferson. And that was bad.

He din’t care about the asshole. He didn’t want to care. They had broken up two years ago. They didn’t even dated that long… He rubbed at his face with frustration. He grabbed his phone again and dialed the number of the ex he actually enjoyed talking to. Eliza picked up after two rings.

« _Hey Alex !_ »

Alexander immediately felt calmer. Eliza had that effect on him. They had dated for half a year before realizing that they were better off as friends. But they stayed close and Alexander always knew he could go to her for advice.

« _Hey Betsy !_ _How are you ?_ »

He could hear the sound of music and voices behind her.

« _I’m good, a little tired but fine. »_ She answered getting away from the noises.

« _What about Maria and Philipp ? »_ Hamilton asked taking a sip of coffee.

« _They’re both good. Maria can’t wait for the pregnancy to be over though… »_

« _I bet she is_ »

Eliza’s wife - Maria - was seven-months pregnant with their second child. Maria loved to exercice and explore. It had been really hard for Eliza to convince her to stay a bit more at home. And even with her best efforts, Maria still found ways to sneak out and go to the gym.

« _And Philipp is good. I’m sure he’d love to see his godfather someday… »_ she continued.

Alexander felt a bit guilty. He had not seen his godson in a while. He was actually more that Philip’s godfather. When Maria and Eliza had mentioned wanting a child and were looking for a donor, Alex had immediately agreed to help out. He was really glad to be part of the life of the boy as his godfather.

« _I’ll try to get away_ » he promised. « _Tell him I’ll see him soon._ »

« _I will. Anyway how are you ?_ » she asked with an innocent ton. Alexander rolled his eyes even if she could not see it.

« _You already know don‘t you ?_ »

He heard her chuckle guiltily. It made him smile.

« _Yes. Angie called. Peggy too._ » She confessed sheepishly.

« _Damned Schuyler… »_ Hamilton hesitated but finally confessed what he felt. He knew there was no need to pretend in front of his ex-girlfriend. _« I don’t know what to do, Eliza. I thought I had moved on. But… Seeing him made me so angry. And sad._ »

He heard Eliza hummed at the other end of the line. She always did that when she was in deep thoughts.

« _You have unfinished business with him. Even if you broke up, you never told him how you really felt._ » She explained. « _Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to let go_. »

« _I don’t want to sort things out, Eliza. I want to be able to lie my life with him at the office. That’s all I want._ » Hamilton immediately replied.

He knew she meant well. Just like Lafayette. They were the kind of person that talked things though. Expert in communication really. But he could not do it. He did not want to talk to him. Because it would break his heart again. He knew it. It would only bring more pain and bitterness. And he could not let that happen. He could not leave through that again.

_Alexander was standing in front of his boyfriend’s door, mustering the courage to knock. It was just Thomas. Nothing wrong could happen. He was going to go in and make everything right. He was going to wipe away the distance that had settled between them a few days ago._

_He took a deep breath and knocked. Thomas opened quickly and greeted Hamilton with a faint smile. Alexander felt something twist in him but forced himself to smile and greeted his boyfriend with a kiss. They went to the living room and Thomas made his way to the kitchen to grab some wine and glasses. Alexander sat on the couch. He was ready. He rubbed at his thighs nervously. He could do that._

_As he was waiting, his eyes fell on a letter opened on the table. He scanned it and his heart clenched his in chest. It was a job offer… In France… Was Thomas going to leave him ?_

_« What did you wanted to talk about ? » The taller man asked, coming back from the kitchen with their drinks._

_Alexander felt his prepared speech fly away from his head, replaced by fear and hurt. He looked up, trying to hide his uneasiness and asked the question burning his lips._

_« That job in France… You’re going to take it ? »_

_Jefferson looked surprised and guilty but he understood when he saw the letter Alexander was pointing at. He stayed silent for a few seconds before confessing:_

_« I don’t know. Maybe.»_

_Alexander was frozen in dread. He didn’t know ? Had he said that he loved him a few days ago ? That he wanted to be with him ? He could not say a word. Jefferson was watching him as he expected him to say something. But what could he say ? He could not begged for him to stay. What was he worth in Thomas’ eyes anyway, compared to that huge opportunity ? Nothing._

_He forced himself to watch Jefferson in the eyes as he said:_

_« You should. It is a great opportunity for you. »_

_Jefferson had looked away. In guilt maybe ? So that was what he wanted, right ? Hamilton felt his heart shatter in a million pieces. He had been so sure that their relationship could last, for once. Hehad been going to tell him…_

_« Alexander… » Jefferson had breathed._

_But the young journalist could not hear his apology. It was all too much._

_« It’s okay. » Hamilton interrupted. « Goodbye Thomas. »_

_He was out of the apartment before Jefferson could run after him._

Eliza’s soft voice in his hear took him back to reality.

« _Then do what you do best. Keep your head up, stand strong. Force yourself to ignore him until it feels real._ »

Hamilton smiled as he stroked his cat. She always had the right words to soothe him. That’s exactly what he was going to do.

***

Monday morning came all too quickly but Alexander was ready this time. He met John and Lafayette in front of the conference room. Both of them gave him an encouraging smile. Hamilton took a sharp breathe and adjusted his shirt. After a last glance to his two friends, he pushed the door open and walked in with all the confidence he could gather. He walked like he owned the place. Everybody looked up.

He saw George Washington frowned with confusion. Angelica smiled proudly at him. And Jefferson… Well, Jefferson looked hypnotized by his entrance. He followed his every move. Hamilton took his seat between Lafayette and John without sparing him a look. God, it felt good to gain back control. George Washington eyed them suspiciously one last time and started the meeting.

Jefferson was the first one to present his article topic. Some article about the last political crisis in France. Even after his strong entrance, Hamilton suddenly felt like arguing with him, just like they used to. He wanted to stand up and rip him apart and hear him answer with all his wit and sarcasm. He thought that fire had died. But the flame was brutally flaring up under his skin. He held back a sigh. He could pretend all he wanted to be unaffected by his presence. He knew inside of him that he would always be.

When Jefferson finished his article presentation, Alex felt his eye on him again. But this time there was nothing cryptic about the expression on his face. He was defying him, even letting a discreet arrogant smirk playing on his lips. Apparently he was not the only one, wanting to yell at him again.

Hamilton clenched his fists. He was not going to fall into that game again. He was going to keep ignoring him just like he had planned. Argumenting with Jefferson would be pointless. Things always ended up in a mess.

_Hamilton stormed in Jefferson office furiously, holding a scrambled paper in his hand. He slammed the same paper on the desk. Jefferson slowly looked up, pretending not to have noticed Hamilton’s fury._

_« Hello Hamilton ? Can I help you ? » he asked smoothly with the fakest smile he could make._

_« How dare you ?! » Alexander all but yelled. « How dare you suggest edits on my article ?! You’re not even in my department ! »_

_Jefferson pushed back in his chair crossing his arms innocently._

_« Well darling, all I did was a few comments about how your article lacks objectivity to Washington. Not my fault if he strongly agreed with me. » He explained calmly, knowing it would only piss Hamilton off._

_They had been arguing for months. They ripped each other at almost every staff meeting and they kept making the other’s life miserable._

_At the beginning, it really had been an ideologic rivalry. But as the weeks passed it had become something more. A game. A game that built a stronger tension between them everyday. The breaking point was close._

_« You piss of shit… » the young man fumed. « You’re really the worst journalist that I ever met. Wait to see what I’ll do to your monthly political column. »_

_This hit a nerve. Jefferson held his monthly political column very dear. And he knew Hamilton could easily make edits on it, being in the political department. He stoop up and walked around the desk to look down on his rival._

_« Don’t you dare touching my column or I’ll… » He said coming closer._

_Hamilton didn’t step back he even took a step closer._

_« What are you going to do ? » He asked in a low angry voice that almost made Jefferson shiver. « Hit me ? Call Washington ? »_

_The air of the room had become electric as the two men were only inches apart. The staring contest between them did not help. Jefferson opened his mouth to answer something equally threatening but suddenly Alexander’s hand was on the back of his neck and their lips crashed together. Jefferson immediately pulled him closer as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. The kiss was rough, passionate like their debates had always been. They had to part to breath for a bit._

_« Shit… Sorry… » Jefferson said, breathless and a bit confused on what just happened. He had definitely liked it. But he did not really know what it meant for his rival._

_« I’m not » Hamilton simply shrugged._

_« Oh thank god… » Thomas laughed._

_And then they were kissing again._

***

Two week passed. Alexander managed to avoid Jefferson, most of the times. Except during the daily staff meeting. He had the feeling that Jefferson purposely chose topics he knew Hamilton would hate. What did he want from him ?

At first Hamilton had managed to keep himself from intervening, but after four days he could not take it anymore. Even if they didn’t engage in screaming match like they used to, Alexander always let a sarcastic remarks or a witty critic escape his lips at the end of Jefferson presentation. Sometimes Jefferson would answer with something equally sneaky. But it never went further than that.

It was different from what it used to be. Before, their exchanges were tainted by a merciless rivalrybut a also a playful tension. Now it was only the expression of bitterness and cynicism. Nothing like it used to be. Or at least Alexander tried to convince himself of it. But he could not help enjoying their fights every morning. There was something comforting and familiar to them, even if he would never confess that out loud.

A part of him felt like he had found again a piece of the man he had so desperately loved. That part of him that had been destroyed when Thomas had left. That part of him that still loved Thomas after all that time. That part of him that wished he had finally said _« I love you too »_ that night.

***

« _You should talk to him._ » John ended up saying as they were having lunch.

« _He’s right._ » Lafayette added, happy to see that he finally had an ally in this situation.

**«** _Talk to who ?_ » Alex asked eating his pasta without looking at them.

« _Jefferson of course… Look, Alex, I wasn’t going to say anything but you’re obviously in love with the guy… »_ John said calmly.

_« M’not… »_ Alexander pouted, feeling betrayed by his best friends.

John had always left the matter alone. Why would he change his mind now ?

« _Come on mon petit lion ! »_ Lafayette chimed in. « _You can take your eyes off him since he’s back ! I know he broke your heart when he left… But maybe he has more things to say than you think… »_

Alexander eyed him suspiciously. He seemed to know more than he let on. But what was there to know ? Jefferson had chosen France over him. That was it. They had tried to make it work but it didn’t. Yes, he still enjoyed their debates even if they were angrier. Yes, he still found Jefferson unfairly attractive. Yes, it hurt him to be apart from him. But Thomas didn’t love him enough back then, he would not love him enough now. It was over.

« _I think everything has already been said._ » He whispered, leaving the break room to go back to his office.

His friends sighed in his back

***

Hamilton looked up from his screen and suddenly realized he was alone in the office. He vaguely remembered John patting his shoulder and saying goodbye. But he had been too absorbed in his work. It was dark outside. Well, now that he was was there, he might as well finish his work.

He was going to focus on his screen when he heard the rumbling of thunder above him. He froze, an uneasy feeling settling in the inside of his stomach. He stood up and walked to the windows.

The stars were hidden by thick black clouds, the rain battered the pavements of the city and the wind blew aggressively against the windows of the building. Alexander shivered. A storm.

He took a few steps back from the window and took a deep inspiration to calm his nerves. He was a grown-up man. He was not going to be scared by a little storm. He did not feared that anymore. He grabbed his phone thinking about calling one of his friends. They were used to it, they spent many storms with him. But John was out of town to visit his family and Hercules and Lafayette were celebrating their anniversary tonight. He could not disturb them with his bullshits again. Not this time.

He sat back in front of his computer and forced himself to ignore the wind blowing against the windows. If he let his mind drift, he could see it all again. He could hear it all again: the waves shattering against the cost, the wind beating the ground, the trees being plucked from the ground, the houses collapsing and the screams… His hands started to shake. _Get a fucking grip_ , he thought angrily. But a sob broke through his lips.

He gripped the edge of the desk to try and ground himself. Deep breaths. He could do it. A lighting broke the sky in two and Hamilton jumped ridiculously, letting out a weak scream. He was frozen in place, he couldn’t breath. Then…

« _Alex !_ »

Alexander jumped again and looked up to see a worried-looking Jefferson a few steps away from his desk. It made Alex forget about his anxiety for a few seconds.

« _What are you doing here ?_ » He barked, defensively.

« _I knew you’d still be here and with the storm…_ » Thomas whispered looking unsure. « _I just came to help…_ »

Alexander clenched his fist and stood up to face his ex-lover.

« _I don’t need you._ »

He saw that look pass in Jefferson’s eyes again. Hurt. That was what it was. Thomas looked hurt. But why ? Before he could think more about it, a new lighting made him freeze. He looked outside warily, trying to hide his shaking hands. But Jefferson knew him too well. How many time had he cradled Alexander during a storm, muttering soothing words in his ear ? Thomas sighed and when his gaze went back to Alex, it was firm and determined.

« _Please don’t be a stubborn ass and let me help._ »

Alex was ready to react with a shout to being called « _a stubborn ass_ » but Jefferson just grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the open space. The thunder growling outside let Hamilton unable to fight.

Jefferson took him to a small office and the end of the corridor and closed the door. Hamilton look at him with confused eyes. What was the point ? Then he heard it. Silence. Complete silence. His tension dropped progressively. He felt safer here.

« _It’s the only windowless and soundproof room in the building._ » Jefferson explained shrugging. « _You can stay here until the storm ends._ »

« _How did you know that ?_ » Hamilton asked, curious, almost forgetting his animosity for the other man.

Jefferson looked embarrassed.

« _I had spotted it before… In case there was a storm while we were at the office…_ » He breathed awkwardly, not looking Hamilton in the eyes.

Alex felt his heart clenched in his chest. He avoided his eyes and sat in the corner of the room. After a few minutes of silence, Jefferson asked:

« _Do you want me to leave you alone ?_ »

Alex frowned. He did not want to be around Jefferson anymore. He did not want to talk to him. But he dreaded even more the idea to have to stay here alone. Even if he could not hear the storm, he knew it was out there.

« _No…_ » He whispered, so low that Jefferson almost didn’t hear.

Jefferson did not comment and sat against the opposite wall of the room. Hamilton folded his knees in front of him and put his arms around them. Memories were flowing through him. Memories of the other storm he had spend with Jefferson in the past. Memory of that one particular storm a few days before their break up.

_Hamilton was lying on his bed, his back to the window, shaking. He closed his eyes tightly and put his hand on his hear. He wanted to cut himself form the storm out there. He wished he could fall asleep and woke up only when it was over. But his state of anxiety deprived him from rest._

_He suddenly felt the mattress dip behind him. He was soon pressed against a warm chest and embraced by two strong arms._

_« You came… » Hamilton muttered, hiding his face in his lover’s neck._

_« Of course, I came… » Thomas said, hugging him tighter._

_They spent their time bickering but Jefferson would never turn his back on him. He was always there when he needed him._

_« It’s okay, I’ve got you… » The taller man promised, kissing his temple softly._

_Hamilton had listened to him, whispering soothing words in his ear until he said something neither of them had said before._

_« I love you. »_

_Alexander had flinched unconsciously in his arms. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing got out. He loved him too, of course. But he couldn’t resolve himself to say it. Those words had scared Hamilton for years now. The last person he had said them to had been dying in his arms. And since then… It had been impossible to say… How could he explained that to Thomas ?_

_Alexander looked up to the other man. He was looking away._

« _Thanks._ » Hamilton ended up muttering softly, a bit overwhelmed by the memory.

Jefferson looked up, surprised to hear his voice.

« _You’re welcome. Anytime._ » He answered softly.

Hamilton felt the anger that had been hiding coming back in his mind. Why would he say that ? He had given him up after all…

« _Stop acting like you care_. » He couldn’t help himself. He had to say it.

Jefferson head’s shoot up suddenly at that.

« _Excuse me ?_ » He asked voice careful, concealing barely his anger.

« _You heard me…_ » Hamilton huffed, angrily.

In seconds, Jefferson was on his feet taking a step closer to the sitting form of Hamilton.

« _Of course I care ! How can you say this ?_ » He shouted. The hurt in his eyes was back.

But Hamilton did not dwell on it, letting his own anger take control. He stood up as well, fist clenched.

« _You don’t. If you cared you wouldn’t have left me to go to fucking France !!_ »

His words were met by a choked silence. Hamilton had not planned to say this. But the hurt had been clenching his heart for so long. It had to go out at some point. He had to know.

« _That’s not what happened. I left because_ you _didn’t care. You said it didn’t matter ! You had been drifting away for weeks ! »_ Jefferson roared.

What ? What was he talking about ?

« _What the fuck ? I didn’t want you to go, you moron ! I.. I loved you !_ » Hamilton screamed equally, his voice trembling on the last words.

He had said it. He had managed to say. But it was too late now. What did it mean ?

He saw Jefferson froze at his confession, almost taking a step back. There was a short silence during which Jefferson’s anger seems to melt away.

« _Why didn’t you say it back, then ?_ » he asked and his voice was just pure hurt and regrets now.

Hamilton closed his eyes. He couldn’t deal with his emotion. Anger was good, anger he knew but that… He couldn’t go there. He would collapsed if he did. But maybe that was for the best ?

**«** _I was scared for God’s sake !_ **»** Hamilton sighed angrily. « _When you said it to me… I had never said it to anybody except fro my dying mother… I didn’t know how to… It probably seems stupid but I just couldn’t say it… But I wanted to ! I was going to say it ! The day you said you were leaving… »_

Jefferson was watching him with astonished eyes, seeming to slowly understand why Hamilton had been so distant after he had confessed his feelings.

« _I thought.. I thought you didn’t love him back… And when you made no move to hold me back… One word from you and I would have turned down the job… »_

The silence that fell on them was heavy in realization and shock. They stayed standing a few inch away from each other, replaying their breakup and seeing that they did it all wrong. They had both fucked up their relationship with miscommunications and insecurities…

Finally, Jefferson was the first to move. He took a step closer.

« _Fuck it._ »he growled grabbing Hamilton by the collar.

Then Jefferson was pushing him against the wall and kissing him senseless. Hamilton fisted his hands in his shirt not ever wanting to let go and god it felt good to feel his lips against his and to remember the heat of this body. Their tongues met in a chaotic ballet and it felt like their first kiss all over again.

« _We’re probably doing something very stupid »_ Jefferson said pulling back.

« _Completely stupid_ » Alexander agreed, breathless. « _I don’t care »_

And then they were kissing again like their inside were on fire. The kiss soon became urgent and hungry. Their hands were everywhere on each other, leaving burning marks on their skins. It didn’t take long before their shirts flew through the room. They wanted to feel skin. Thomas fell to his knee in order to kiss, suck and bite at every inch of his partner’s chest. Hamilton could only moan under his exquisite mouth and tangle his hands into the messy hair of Jefferson.

« _Thomas…_ » he whined « _I need you. Now._ »

Jefferson stood back to kiss him again, then let Hamilton suck at his neck while he undid both of their belts and riding them both of their trousers and briefs.

« _Say my name again…_ » Jefferson begged as he finally got his hand on Hamilton.

« _Thomas…_ » Hamilton whispered, eyes closed, nail scratching his lover’s back. That would probably leave marks but he did not care. He just wanted to feel him against him and inside him.

« _Alex…_ » Jefferson breathed in answer as he pushed one finger inside.

Alexander moaned loudly and bite Jefferson’s shoulder who shivered. They hadn’t been together in two years but their body still seemed to fit perfectly together and they still knew how to drive the other crazy.

After long minutes of breathy moan from Hamilton, Jefferson pushed inside, intertwining his finger with Alexander’s.

« _Look at me, darling »_ He said in a low voice and Hamilton obeyed.

He plunged his chocolate eyes in Jefferson’s dark ones as he started to thrust into him. Never looking away, they started a dance of bodied they thought they would never dance again letting their screams out without shame. It was not long before they each find their release in a breathy sigh. They stayed awhile entangled with each other trying to catch their breath, forehand against forehead. They ended up lying on the floor, still stroking their sides.

« _I think the storm died down. »_ Jefferson said softly, making the man in his arm smile.

« _Take me home. »_

***

Alexander woke up in his bed with two strong arms wrapped around his waist, feeling strangely complete, as if he just found back a missing limp. It should have felt weird to find back this old proximity after all this time but it just felt right. He let his fingers wander on the strong biceps of Thomas, like he used to. What were they now ? He felt Thomas stirred behind him and he smiled. He shifted in his arm in order to face him and started dropping light kiss on his sleepy face. Jefferson hated mornings and Hamilton loved to bother him with that.

« _Lemme sleep_ » Thomas grumbled, hiding his face in the crook of Alexander’s neck.

Alexander laughed quietly then noticed his boyfriend underwear: Bob the Sponge themed boxers. His grin broadened. He remembered those boxers all too well.

_« Are those the boxers I gifted you for your birthday ?! » he asked surprised._

_« Hmmmm maybe… »_ The man in his neck groaned. « _They’re comfy…_ »

« _After all this time…. That’s so romantic !_ » Hamilton laughed, wiping off fake tears from his cheeks.

« _Shut up…_ » Jefferson whined rolling them both over so he had his lover trapped under him.

Alexander smiled at him, stroking his cheek softly. It felt like old times, like it had never stopped. But it had stopped. They had been apart for two years.What were they supposed to do now ? A rush of fear went through him. He tried to push it away but Thomas saw it anyway.

« _Don’t think too much._ »

Hamilton sighed, letting his face rest on his partner shoulder.

« _We have to talk about last night eventually. What did it mean ?_ »

Jefferson stayed silent for a bit before asking in return:

_« What do you want it to mean ? »_

Alexander paused to think. He knew it for sure now. He was still in love with Thomas Jefferson. He had never let himself deal with his feelings after their break up and never faced the truth. He had never gotten ride of his love for him. But what about Thomas ? Maybe he had found someone in France ? Maybe last night was merely an impulse, a memory… Before he could let his thoughts trailed further away, Thomas spoke.

« _Ask me for god’s sake._ » He said rolling his eyes.

Alexander felt himself smile. It was almost scary how easily he could still read him after two years.

« _Do you still love me ? After all of this… »_

Jefferson made sure to watch his straight in his eyes.

« _I still love you. I never stopped loving you._ »

For the first time in forever, Alexander fucking blushed, making his ex (or new ?) lover laugh.

« _Okay… Good…_ » he mumbled hiding his face in the pillow.

« _Is that all you’re going to say ?!_ » Jefferson exclaimed forcing him to reveal his face again.

« _I mean, I love you too. Obviously. Now I can say it. » the young journalist muttered, almost shyly._

« _And where do we go from here ? »_ Thomas said, taking his hand in his.

« _Fuck if I know…_ »

They smiled at each other and Alexander ended up kissing him. Because they knew. Of course they knew.

***

It was a nice spring day. Alexander had barely slept and he had taken him almost an hour to get out of bed. The weather was chilly but sunny. He was sitting in the usual meeting room, yelling at Jefferson, sitting at his left, for having such stupid ideas. Thomas yelled back. But under the table their hands remained intertwined. John and Lafayette sitting at his right were smiling knowingly. Burr looked shocked. Angelica was proud. And Washington looked bored and tried to pretend he had not noticed. Later that day, they would probably all go to the pub around the corner and drink to forget all the stress of the week. Then Alexander would take his boyfriend home and they would spend the week end arguing about movies and having mind blowing sex. It was going to be a nice day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !
> 
> Let me know what you thought !


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